When we talk about eating disorder recovery, we tend to imagine two extremes: actively struggling or fully recovered. You’re either in crisis or you’re “all better.”
But what about the space in between?
The messy, unglamorous, everyday experiences that make up our ongoing, ever-evolving healing? We don’t hear much about that, do we?
Maybe we don’t hear about it precisely because it’s messy — hard to neatly list out into check boxes of “success,” or all-or-nothing perspectives on “failure.”
Well, I believe we all exist in this in-between space for some amount of time — I know I did. And yes, some of us for longer than others; but no, none of us are “better” at recovery than anyone else based on our individual timelines.
This undefined and often confusing part of recovery is what author and journalist Mallary Tenore Tarpley calls “the middle place.”
It’s where she found herself — and still finds herself, even several decades into recovery from an eating disorder. It’s also what her new book is about. She writes about living in that liminal space: no longer in “danger” the way she once was, but not walking around with a tidy “fully recovered” bow tied on top either.
This week’s episode invites us into the most important question:
What if recovery isn’t a finish line?
How might that change the way you approach it, view it, and even view yourself?
I speak with Mallary about her personal story, and she is deeply honest as she weaves together grief, perfectionism, and trauma, and how these experiences shaped her relationship with food. She opens up about what it means to live in this middle place — the daily choices, the “slips” that can actually lead to growth, and the ways recovery can be messy and ongoing.
We get into so much, including:
Why the “middle place” matters, and why so many people feel shame about being there.
How grief and trauma can play into disordered eating.
The role of perfectionism and control in shaping recovery.
Navigating the challenges of motherhood while protecting her kids from body shame and diet culture.
Why self-compassion and vulnerability are essential on this journey (and what the hell that even means).
This conversation challenges the binary of sick vs. recovered and makes space for a more honest, human version of recovery — one that allows for complexity, setbacks, and resilience.
It’s for anyone who’s ever wondered, “Am I sick enough? Or, am I well enough?” — and for anyone who needs the reminder that you are worthy of care, no matter where you are on the spectrum of healing.
Gentle reminder to hit that “like” button, leave a comment, and / or share this post if you enjoyed it. It’s for the Substack algorithm — I’m not just being annoying, I promise. It truly helps support the show and this newsletter, so thank you! xo
For more on Mallary:
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