For me, it's not so much that I avoid eating in these scenarios, but that I do so with guilt, during and afterwards. If I had to choose one, I'd say #6 is the biggest culprit. I don't want to care or even take notice of what people around me are eating or not eating, but alas....
This is such an important point, Rosanne! The mental chatter can make eating hard before, during, and after the fact. Any of the things on this list could be the culprit of guilt after eating...depending on our experiences and history with food / body. I totally relate to the comparison one -- that definitely impacted my recovery and made things hard. It always felt like I was a fish swimming upstream among everyone else restricting / tracking / moralizing. It's so hard. What do you think would help you reduce the noticing?
I've noticed that when I feel at peace with my body, I am much better able to let go of caring about what others are/aren't eating. I have been in that place several times over the years but I'm not there now, so that seems like the real work...
This is so beautifully articulated. The more we're focused on our own body, the more aware we are of other bodies / food choices around us. Actually, research confirms this is true! We're walking around the world with that on the top of our mind, and it makes everything else feel harder (also creates the internal bias that others might be judging us, looking at what we're doing, etc.). A powerful way to communicate to your body that you're working on peace and neutrality...speaking kindly to yourself ♥️♥️
I'm pretty new to this space and finding the information life altering and incredible! I'm 59 and have struggled my whole adult life with body image and self acceptance. I had to admit recently that 40 yrs of dieting have gotten me nowhere and am immersing myself in this space. This article reminds me of all the times I have agonized over what to order when eating out. There is what I want and then there is what I "should" be eating. It makes me mad every time! All the things I would prefer to order are the very things I should absolutely abstain from. Or severely minimize at the very least. I'm going out this weekend and will practice liberation from this old mentality. Time to shake it off and try something new! Thanks for your work, Abbie!
Hi Wendy! I am so glad you’re here ❤️ And thank you for sharing this, because it’s so deeply relatable. You’re not alone in any of it. Diet culture has really done a number on all of us — all the food rules and “shoulds” over the years…it takes time to unlearn that and access more peace and ease. But it truly is possible and you deserve it. I hope you found some glimmers of liberation this past weekend!
I've been practicing this all week with just eating the things that I want in the moment and allowing whatever that happens to be. Today I had coffee with a friend at Starbucks and for years already I would only allow myself a coffee with a splash of cream, none of the sweetened Lattes or anything just straight up coffee with a bit of cream and the egg white feta and spinach wrap for breakfast. There is this lovely everything bagel croissant with ham and cheese that I would always longingly look at but wouldn't allow myself to order. Well today I had that everything bagel croissant sandwich and a vanilla latte! I did order it half sweet but not because I was trying to cut back on sugar but because I find it too sweet at full strength. So I had what I wanted and it felt amazing! 😁
Wendy! This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you so much for sharing a little glimmer with us / me. It's a quiet kind of power to order what you truly want, to honor what genuinely sounds good. It's not a small thing! It's a message to ourselves: I deserve joy, I deserve to take up space.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with guilt and wanting to eat adequate meals, despite the current discourse around eating and bodies. Even eating with my family can be hard when my brother never eats breakfast and sometimes skips lunch too. I could never do that, or I would pass out from hunger or be unable to function.
I went to a summer social my apartment had last weekend and it was really nice to see people enjoying food. All residents and guests got free food and they had a German food truck and an ice cream truck. I wasn’t sure about getting ice cream, but it was 95 degrees with high humidity, so I followed the crowd. I got a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles. The girl in front of me ordered an Oreo milkshake and she was apologizing for how long her order took the food truck guy to make, but she didn’t say anything about it being too much or being greedy. People were ordering multiple dishes and sharing. It was so nice to see people enjoying food because it tastes good and people were enjoying it with a community.
I think sometimes being online too much gives people tunnel vision that the heroin chic look is more common or accepted than it really is. Most Americans are in larger bodies and don’t even meet the exercise recommendations the government puts out, so it helps to put it into perspective that I’m not lazy or greedy when I am trying to heal from a chronic ED.
Thank you so much for speaking about your experience, Elizabeth. It's such a clear, courageous example of resisting the pressure to shrink—not just your body, but your joy, your hunger, your humanity. In a culture where restriction is celebrated and skipping meals is normalized (especially by family members or people we’re close to), choosing to eat enough can feel… rebellious, even "excessive" or "wrong." And you're right—the internet can even further distort our sense of what's “normal.” It just promotes the extremes through viral claims, etc. It helps so much to look around as actively notice how the world doesn't operate like that (like your summer social!). Grateful for you. Keep feeding yourself, eating will NEVER be "greedy".
this is an excellent list of reminders!
I'm so glad it felt relatable, Elinor! Thank you for being here!
For me, it's not so much that I avoid eating in these scenarios, but that I do so with guilt, during and afterwards. If I had to choose one, I'd say #6 is the biggest culprit. I don't want to care or even take notice of what people around me are eating or not eating, but alas....
This is such an important point, Rosanne! The mental chatter can make eating hard before, during, and after the fact. Any of the things on this list could be the culprit of guilt after eating...depending on our experiences and history with food / body. I totally relate to the comparison one -- that definitely impacted my recovery and made things hard. It always felt like I was a fish swimming upstream among everyone else restricting / tracking / moralizing. It's so hard. What do you think would help you reduce the noticing?
I've noticed that when I feel at peace with my body, I am much better able to let go of caring about what others are/aren't eating. I have been in that place several times over the years but I'm not there now, so that seems like the real work...
This is so beautifully articulated. The more we're focused on our own body, the more aware we are of other bodies / food choices around us. Actually, research confirms this is true! We're walking around the world with that on the top of our mind, and it makes everything else feel harder (also creates the internal bias that others might be judging us, looking at what we're doing, etc.). A powerful way to communicate to your body that you're working on peace and neutrality...speaking kindly to yourself ♥️♥️
I'm pretty new to this space and finding the information life altering and incredible! I'm 59 and have struggled my whole adult life with body image and self acceptance. I had to admit recently that 40 yrs of dieting have gotten me nowhere and am immersing myself in this space. This article reminds me of all the times I have agonized over what to order when eating out. There is what I want and then there is what I "should" be eating. It makes me mad every time! All the things I would prefer to order are the very things I should absolutely abstain from. Or severely minimize at the very least. I'm going out this weekend and will practice liberation from this old mentality. Time to shake it off and try something new! Thanks for your work, Abbie!
Hi Wendy! I am so glad you’re here ❤️ And thank you for sharing this, because it’s so deeply relatable. You’re not alone in any of it. Diet culture has really done a number on all of us — all the food rules and “shoulds” over the years…it takes time to unlearn that and access more peace and ease. But it truly is possible and you deserve it. I hope you found some glimmers of liberation this past weekend!
I've been practicing this all week with just eating the things that I want in the moment and allowing whatever that happens to be. Today I had coffee with a friend at Starbucks and for years already I would only allow myself a coffee with a splash of cream, none of the sweetened Lattes or anything just straight up coffee with a bit of cream and the egg white feta and spinach wrap for breakfast. There is this lovely everything bagel croissant with ham and cheese that I would always longingly look at but wouldn't allow myself to order. Well today I had that everything bagel croissant sandwich and a vanilla latte! I did order it half sweet but not because I was trying to cut back on sugar but because I find it too sweet at full strength. So I had what I wanted and it felt amazing! 😁
Wendy! This is BEAUTIFUL. Thank you so much for sharing a little glimmer with us / me. It's a quiet kind of power to order what you truly want, to honor what genuinely sounds good. It's not a small thing! It's a message to ourselves: I deserve joy, I deserve to take up space.
Thank you so much for this.
Thank you for being here, Michelle!
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with guilt and wanting to eat adequate meals, despite the current discourse around eating and bodies. Even eating with my family can be hard when my brother never eats breakfast and sometimes skips lunch too. I could never do that, or I would pass out from hunger or be unable to function.
I went to a summer social my apartment had last weekend and it was really nice to see people enjoying food. All residents and guests got free food and they had a German food truck and an ice cream truck. I wasn’t sure about getting ice cream, but it was 95 degrees with high humidity, so I followed the crowd. I got a vanilla cone with rainbow sprinkles. The girl in front of me ordered an Oreo milkshake and she was apologizing for how long her order took the food truck guy to make, but she didn’t say anything about it being too much or being greedy. People were ordering multiple dishes and sharing. It was so nice to see people enjoying food because it tastes good and people were enjoying it with a community.
I think sometimes being online too much gives people tunnel vision that the heroin chic look is more common or accepted than it really is. Most Americans are in larger bodies and don’t even meet the exercise recommendations the government puts out, so it helps to put it into perspective that I’m not lazy or greedy when I am trying to heal from a chronic ED.
Thank you so much for speaking about your experience, Elizabeth. It's such a clear, courageous example of resisting the pressure to shrink—not just your body, but your joy, your hunger, your humanity. In a culture where restriction is celebrated and skipping meals is normalized (especially by family members or people we’re close to), choosing to eat enough can feel… rebellious, even "excessive" or "wrong." And you're right—the internet can even further distort our sense of what's “normal.” It just promotes the extremes through viral claims, etc. It helps so much to look around as actively notice how the world doesn't operate like that (like your summer social!). Grateful for you. Keep feeding yourself, eating will NEVER be "greedy".