How Do You Try On Your Clothes?
Musings on the ever-joyful (dripping with sarcasm) experience of buying new clothes while healing your relationship with your body.
When you go shopping for clothes, how do you try them on?
Where are you?
Who is with you?
How many mirrors are surrounding you?
Once those clothes are on your body, what’s the first thing you do or think?
Clothing is something that sneaks up on us when we’re healing our relationship with food.
When we allow ourselves to eat without restriction, when we release punitive exercise routines, and when we stop micromanaging our weight, our body often changes.
This creates both emotional and physical friction with our wardrobe, because those jeans from last year feel snug, and that shirt no longer fits the way it once did. Yet because of the shame-ridden messages we’ve received, we tend to resist buying new clothes for our bigger body.
Why? Because diet culture has taught us that needing a bigger size is a failure, when in reality, it's just our body asking for more ease, more kindness, more comfort. Body changes are a natural, expected, and important part of being human.
The truth is, your clothes should fit you, not the other way around.
You never, ever need to try to contort and shrink yourself to fit into your clothing. And in fact, the more we try to wear things that don’t fit us, the worse our body image becomes. It’s incredibly distracting to be wearing something too small — something that pinches us, reminding us of those very body parts we may still be carrying shame around; the same body parts we are still learning to accept.
Clothing is a necessity — essential to our ability to move through this world — and we deserve to wear things that don’t cause us pain or discomfort.
Having clothes that fit your now body is one of the most tangible and impactful things you can do to feel better about your body.
But to find those new, more comfortable clothes requires that we try on some clothes.
Many of us have experienced moments of self-criticism while standing in front of the mirror, scrutinizing every curve and “imperfection”. This critical gaze can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and a total tailspin into negative body image. However, by removing the mirror from the equation, we can shift our focus from appearance to how clothes feel on our bodies.
When shopping for new clothes, it helps to make comfort the focal point of the experience, rather than fixating on your appearance.
A compassionate way to begin reducing the negative emotions surrounding the shopping experience is this:
Try your clothes on without looking in the mirror.
Explore how they feel on your body before you consider how they look on your body.
Instead of rushing to analyze your reflection, tune into the sensations:
Does the fabric feel soft and comfortable?
Can you move easily—sit, stretch, breathe deeply—without discomfort?
Do you feel at ease?
Can you imagine wearing it and feeling able to do the things you do on a regular basis?
Taking this approach gives you the chance to move around in the clothes to see if they remain comfortable. Consider whether the clothing is bothersome in any particular area; or, in contrast, if it feels neutral and free of constraint. Without the mirror's judgmental gaze, we're also free to explore different styles and sizes with less negative self-talk.
When we're not distracted by our reflection, we can pay attention to how clothes feel against our skin. Comfort becomes the priority, leading to choices that enhance our well-being.
Truly. Comfort is an act of self-respect, self-kindness, and real self-care.
It is a way of communicating to yourself that you matter; that you are worthy of the same compassion you would show to anyone else.
And if you do choose to look in the mirror after exploring how you feel, focus on evaluating the clothes rather than picking apart your body. Instead of scanning for “flaws,” ask yourself, “Does this garment support me in feeling comfortable and at ease?”
The next time you're shopping for new clothes, consider giving this ‘how-does-it-feel, before how-does-it-look’ practice a try.
I hope it shifts the experience for you and allows for more compassion in the process.
Your worth has never been measured in arbitrary clothing sizes, and your body deserves to experience comfort, ease, and joy. You are worthy of clothes that fit your body — right here, right now, exactly as it is.
This topic has been on a my mind as we shift into warmer weather. So I decided to revisit one of my favorite conversations of Full Plate Podcast this week: an episode with the wonderful Dacy Gillespie, an anti-diet personal stylist who writes unflattering.
Listen to it here:
I’d love to hear from you:
How have you approached buying yourself new clothes as your body has changed?
What tip would you give others for a less loaded, more self-compassionate shopping experience?
I have to buy most of my clothes online (being tall AND on the cusp of plus size is extra fun). Dacy Gillespie (of Unflattering) first turned me on to the no-mirror try-on. It has really changed my relationship with buying new clothes. If it doesn't feel comfy on me, it's going back, period.
She also helped me set the expectation that I'd likely return 80% of what I order, and that it's not my fault because clothes are trash.
I wish I could wear a gunnysack every day.
I buy 99.9999% of my clothes online. I'm 5'2", shortwaisted, plus size, short inseam. Petite size ranges don't typically go to plus size, and plus sizes are often too long and/or just out of proportion (hey, not all plus size people are tall!). I have gained a lot of weight over the last 2 years due to menopause and being a full time caregiver to my husband who passed away in December. At this point I just want clothes that are comfortable and don't look horrible.