What does it mean to choose yourself?
I’ve been thinking about that question since I recorded this episode with Chrissy and Claire.
But I don’t mean choosing yourself in the self-help, bubble bath, treat yourself kind of way. I mean the real, messy, painful way. The way that costs something. The way that requires you to look at the life that was handed to you, and the map you were given before you were old enough to know you could refuse it, and say: Actually, no. Not this.
That’s the kind of choice that Chrissy and Claire came on to talk about. And listen, I knew we were going to have a great conversation, but I’m beyond grateful that it took every twist and turn that it did.
We were talking about being childfree: about the word, the myths, and the incredible community they’re building together called The Childfree Coven. And we did talk about all of that. But what this episode really became was something bigger — about bodily autonomy, dismantling patriarchal expectations, breaking cycles of harm, ancestry, attention, political resistance, and what it means to want more than “fine” for your life.
“The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe; and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality.”
— James Baldwin
So this one is for anyone who has ever felt the map they were handed didn’t belong to them. Anyone who has sat with a decision the world made very hard to make. Anyone who needed to hear that grief and liberation can exist in the same body at the same time — and that neither one cancels the other out.
In this episode:
What the word “childfree” actually means
Why being childfree is not anti-child or anti-parenting (in fact, it’s the opposite)
Chrissy’s story: ending a marriage, being the first woman in her lineage to have this choice, and what liberation actually feels like
Claire’s story: knowing from her early teens, navigating a partner’s uncertainty, and how 25 years of undiagnosed endometriosis is inextricably linked to her childfree journey
The things people say to childfree women — “you’ll feel differently when they’re your own,” “who will take care of you when you’re older,” “you’ll never know true love” — and what to make of them
The connection between body liberation and the childfree experience
Race, reproductive justice, and how this conversation is profoundly different depending on who you are
The political moment we’re in with bodily autonomy, forced birth, and what history tells us about these tactics
What it can mean to pour your love, attention, and energy into the world without motherhood as the vehicle
The difference between grief and regret
What Chrissy means when she says she wanted more than “fine”
Whether you are a parent, hope to be one, are decidedly childfree, or somewhere in between looking for clarity, I think this conversation has something real and raw to offer you.
I’m so glad you’re here for this one.
And if you want to find Chrissy and Claire, they’re building something beautiful on Substack at The Childfree Coven and on Instagram at @childfreecoven.
This feels like an important topic for a community thread. To contribute, just leave a comment below.
Some questions to get us started:
What does “mothering” or nurturing mean to you, outside of or beyond its traditional definition?
Have you ever felt judged or questioned for the choice you’ve made — or are making — around parenthood? What was that like?
What do you wish people understood about your experience — whether you're a parent, child-free, or still figuring it out?
Is there a version of the “village” — communal care, chosen family, shared raising of children — that exists in your life? What does that look like?
Gentle reminder that “liking”, commenting, and sharing this post helps immensely. Engagement means more folks will find the conversations we’re having on Full Plate.
Resources & people mentioned:
The Childfree Coven on Substack and Instagram: @childfreecoven
Chrissy’s book: The Body Liberation Project
Rachel Cargill / Rich Auntie Supreme
Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands
Tricia Hersey / Rest is Resistance
EbonyJanice & Thea Monyeé / The Free Joy Experience
Monique Melton
SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective
