Such an insightful post! I especially resonated with your points about the myth of exceptionalism – this is something I particularly struggled with earlier on in my recovery (and it is, of course, an ongoing effort to resist). For me, this sense of exceptionalism applied not only to the idea that I didn't deserve to eat as much as others, but also with body image and appearance-related things. Meaning, I undoubtedly would tell any other person that their worth is inherent and is absolutely not determined by weight or external factors, but I still struggle to accept that this is true when it comes to me.
Also, yes, as the person in my marriage who typically makes and serves up dinner, the disparity between my plate and my partner's was glaringly apparent when I was in the thick of my ED. I do think that paying attention to this can certainly be an eye-opening exercise!
Thank you so much for sharing this so thoughtfully, as always! The myth of exceptionalism is such a sneaky, stubborn myth, isn’t it? It loves to whisper "yes, everyone deserves kindness... except you." And resisting that voice is an ongoing, courageous practice. Many of us find it so much easier to extend compassion outward than inward. It's like our hearts are generous hosts, always ready to offer a warm meal to others, but somehow we forget to pull up a chair for ourselves.
And yes, the plate comparison! Omg, I relate. That was a big piece for me to figure out in recovery. It's wild how much cultural conditioning around gender, food, and worth can sneak its way onto our dinner tables without us even noticing. Paying attention to those patterns without judgment is such brave work.
Thank you again for being here. Your voice adds so much richness to this conversation, every time. I'm so glad we're in this together. xoxo
The idea that men need to eat more than women is so frustrating. It may be typical for men to eat more, but that doesn’t mean it has to be true. My old dietitian told me she regularly ate more than her husband.
Such a great post, thank you so much! For years I have been making nicely laid-out "surprise plates" (read snack plates) for my son, but only very recently it occured to me that I could do the same for me!!
Turns out, lovingly adding a few treats, some strawberries etc around my sandwich makes me feel so much better and is incredibly enjoyable!
Oh Julia, I love this! It's amazing what those little additions can do -- they can truly make us feel cared for in ways we forgot about. Thank you so much for sharing this!
This article is such a good reminder. I don’t think this too often any more but I think it still lingers in the background. Are you sure you need that much ? Yes I need to say to my inner critique.
Such an insightful post! I especially resonated with your points about the myth of exceptionalism – this is something I particularly struggled with earlier on in my recovery (and it is, of course, an ongoing effort to resist). For me, this sense of exceptionalism applied not only to the idea that I didn't deserve to eat as much as others, but also with body image and appearance-related things. Meaning, I undoubtedly would tell any other person that their worth is inherent and is absolutely not determined by weight or external factors, but I still struggle to accept that this is true when it comes to me.
Also, yes, as the person in my marriage who typically makes and serves up dinner, the disparity between my plate and my partner's was glaringly apparent when I was in the thick of my ED. I do think that paying attention to this can certainly be an eye-opening exercise!
I appreciate your writing, as always!
Thank you so much for sharing this so thoughtfully, as always! The myth of exceptionalism is such a sneaky, stubborn myth, isn’t it? It loves to whisper "yes, everyone deserves kindness... except you." And resisting that voice is an ongoing, courageous practice. Many of us find it so much easier to extend compassion outward than inward. It's like our hearts are generous hosts, always ready to offer a warm meal to others, but somehow we forget to pull up a chair for ourselves.
And yes, the plate comparison! Omg, I relate. That was a big piece for me to figure out in recovery. It's wild how much cultural conditioning around gender, food, and worth can sneak its way onto our dinner tables without us even noticing. Paying attention to those patterns without judgment is such brave work.
Thank you again for being here. Your voice adds so much richness to this conversation, every time. I'm so glad we're in this together. xoxo
Thank you so much for your kind words💕 You're doing such important work and I know you're helping so many!
The idea that men need to eat more than women is so frustrating. It may be typical for men to eat more, but that doesn’t mean it has to be true. My old dietitian told me she regularly ate more than her husband.
Such a great post, thank you so much! For years I have been making nicely laid-out "surprise plates" (read snack plates) for my son, but only very recently it occured to me that I could do the same for me!!
Turns out, lovingly adding a few treats, some strawberries etc around my sandwich makes me feel so much better and is incredibly enjoyable!
Oh Julia, I love this! It's amazing what those little additions can do -- they can truly make us feel cared for in ways we forgot about. Thank you so much for sharing this!
https://theonion.com/woman-on-diet-weighing-out-peanut-butter-like-it-hard-drugs/
This article is such a good reminder. I don’t think this too often any more but I think it still lingers in the background. Are you sure you need that much ? Yes I need to say to my inner critique.