If You Have A Body, It Will Change.
Let's talk about why we need to stop making this conditional.
Most of us have spent a lifetime inundated with messages that teach us how to control our body.
Actually, not just how to do it, but that we must do it. From magazines to TV shows, from doctor’s visits to coworker conversations, from Atkins to GLP-1s, there will always be a new and supposedly different way of saying the same thing: your job is to figure out, at all costs, how to manage your size and appearance.
As we move through life, we’re met with different types of body changes. And whether it’s our skin, our weight, our hair, our shape, our mobility, or our health conditions, there is an industry waiting to pounce; to explain how we can fight back against those changes; to sell us another solution to the inevitable. Yes, I’ll repeat that again: it’s inevitable.
Because if you have a body, it will change. That’s not a possibility—it’s a guarantee.
Sometimes, we can pinpoint a "reason" for these changes. Other times, they happen without any clear explanation at all. Either way, body changes are not mistakes to be corrected. They are natural, expected, and even adaptive. They are meant to occur as we navigate life — through seasons, through aging, through simply existing in this world.
And yet, we’re often only granted conditional permission for these changes.
“You just had a baby! Of course, your body changed.”
“It’s menopause—this is normal.”
At first glance, these messages might seem validating. But underneath them lies a harmful subtext: We’ll allow these changes for now, but your job is to ‘fix’ them as soon as possible. This reinforces the idea that body changes must be justified to be acceptable. That they need a reason. That without one, they are a failure.
But bodies don’t change just because of pregnancy, or menopause, or a shift in “lifestyle,” or because you’re “not trying hard enough.”
They change because they are human bodies. And we need to normalize that.
Diet culture has conditioned us to believe that our life’s purpose is to keep our bodies frozen in time, because change is framed as losing control or letting ourselves go.
But as friend of the pod Savala Nolan once said to me:
“Trying to control my body and my appetite is about as realistic as controlling my breathing.
The body has its own rhythm and knowledge, and meddling with that will only have short term results.”
— Savala Nolan, Episode #121 of the Full Plate Podcast
Your body is not a problem that needs solving.
And this obsession with controlling the body? It’s not about health or well-being. It’s about oppression. It is the cumulative violence of anti-fatness, anti-aging, anti-Blackness, capitalism, hustle culture, patriarchy, ableism, and so much more. It has its roots in every other system that is designed to keep us distracted, overworked, and self-critical—perpetually chasing an impossible ideal instead of living fully in the bodies we have.
Because the truth — one that is older that time itself — is that bodies were never meant to be micromanaged. They were (and are) meant to be lived in.
Our bodies are the vessels that allow for our humanness.
They are the reason we get to be here and to experience this world — to feel, to connect, to cry, to laugh, to be present in the messiness and richness of life.
Your body holds your magic, but it is not the magic.
While the systems of this world have everything to gain from us believing that controlling our body is our purpose, our healing is found in our resilience to these messages; in continually divesting from the idea that we need to look a certain way to be valued, worthy, or “good”.
Because as long as we’re alive, and as long as we have the privilege of aging, our body will change. And when it does (because it will), we haven’t done something “wrong.”
We don’t need to fight back, shrink ourselves, or feel shame. We don’t need to repent or restrict. Our body is doing what it’s supposed to do, and rather than use our precious time and energy to resist, we can lean into what it means to truly live.
There is no wrong way to have a body.
How has the idea that your body shouldn’t change impacted you?
What has this belief cost you?
If you imagine moving through the world no longer trying to change your body, how would life be different?
Amazing read before going to bed. Spent the evening interrupting a show with my wife (Outlander) because I was so down on myself that my body has changed. I was so obsessed and perplexed over the thought that even though I still live “relatively healthy” and regimented in workouts via diet culture, my body wasn’t cooperating. “I shouldn’t look like this……I must be doing something wrong, missing something”. Just a full spiral..even to the point of challenging my anxiety medication, even though I now how much it helps me, because “what if it’s changing my body after all of these years”.
In conclusion, I’m so happy now with my move towards intuitive eating and emphasis on movement versus “max effort” workouts. I feel so good and this all feels so right. This read feels so right. But our culture tells me my body isn’t good enough, it changed, and it needs to be fixed. And if I don’t, I’m being lazy and not upholding “my temple”. If this noise was eliminated and health was focused solely on how you feel, mentally and physically, I’d consider myself in a prime time of life. But because of my past and that noise to uphold an image, my honest gut feelings get deafened out by our culture demands.
This line stopped me in my tracks: "And yet, we’re often only granted conditional permission for these changes." HELL YESSSSS. I notice so many trainers/programs now saying that they're "Anti Diet" but it's such a farce. "It's understandable that your body changed because of puberty/menopause/medical condition/injury/etc. We're here for you. No diets necessary. All you need to do is track macros and follow xyz work-out plan to change yourself back." Diet Culture is such a sneaky, insidious bastard. Thank you, Abbie, for your words and your work. I'm so glad I happened upon you.