I needed this so badly today. Last night I went down a self-inflicted rabbit hole of “I just want to be thin and pretty” and went into a funk. I managed to pull myself out pretty quickly, and I’m dedicated to surrounding myself with compassionate voices in this area. You’re always someone I trust to give perspective and cut through the noise of diet culture 🫶
Oh Jen, I’m so sorry that you had a hard night. Those are the worst. It’s funny, I’m watching a show right now as I type this that has me thinking about life (as I often do) and how short and precious it is. We really are here to do so much more than control our body. We’re here to live and love and feel all the things. You are magic and I’ve loved getting to know you ♥️ Never forget that your body isn’t your magic, it holds it. I’m grateful you’re here 🙏🏼
After a lifetime of restriction in various ways, I’ve been in the back and forth process of intentionally coming out of that for the last 3 years. My biggest struggle at this point is that I don’t want to restrict at all, but I do genuinely feel better (brain and body) when I avoid gluten and dairy. So I’m trying to figure out how to not be in the mindset and energy of restriction, while also trying to avoid the foods that don’t make me physically and mentally feel my best.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Angela. I hear you — it’s very hard to disentangle all of this after years of seeing foods as “good” and “bad”. Have you ever tried doing some blind taste tests? I know it sounds silly but it can help a lot to truly figure things out. Of course, only if you don’t have celiac disease. And if you haven’t been tested, that would be a great next step to give yourself some peace of mind 🙏🏼 At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether it feels like our food choices are coming from a place of kindness and respect and care and joy. So keep grounding yourself in that. I’m here for you, and I truly mean that. I know how hard all of this is and I think you’re incredible for doing this healing ♥️
Every single bullet. At 12 years old, I was a happy little man. I loved sports for the fun of it! I had tons of hobbies. Playing the drums. Watching airplanes. Then I was told I had to change my body to truly be an “elite” athlete and a cool guy. My body never actually demanded this change!! I never failed at my happy little youthful hobbies. I accomplished everything I wanted to do. My body was fine. ( I literally saw young photos of me recently and was appalled that my body was deemed not good by friends and coaches). But because I didn’t look a certain way, I was told I had to change my life. And I did for 20 years. I distorted my body. I ran myself into the ground. Double workouts. I ate no carbs. I went into massive depression and avoidance if I deviated off of this perfection…..literally hiding for two weeks at times, and lying to get out of team functions or school because I was ashamed I “cheated” but also I just wanted to escape it all. I associated pain and deprivation with health and a valid sacrifice for being perfect and living “clean”. I learned to “workout” in gyms/facilities where verbiage of “don’t stop until you drop” or “you shouldn’t be able to walk after this”. I learned a “workout” was only good enough if you were soaked. See how far you can push yourself. Focus on so many metrics.
I carry this trauma plus a completely distorted view of nutrition to this day. And as I begin at 31 to tear down years of self doubt and “what if” thinking, it’s a massive leap of faith. I constantly am told by my learned mindset and society that you’re being “soft” or lazy by not accepting your just bigger and you therefore need to battle your body.
I now move for flow, meditation and I eat for what feels good. I go off of mental cues combined with physical feelings. However, around every corner, I worry “but what if I get bigger”. What if this feels so right but we are wrong and the big machine is right? It’s a battle. But what I now say is “ go off the mental data- how do you feel when you do health your way - if it feels right, do it. We get one life. The mind is what is with us for the long run. Do whatever keeps that mind and emotional core happy. If there is resistance, something isn’t right there. Listen to your body. Listen to your emotions. It will all play out. Again, easier said than done. But I want to be able to practice what I believe I would preach to my child one day. At this moment, I’m stripping down everything I learned. It’s really scary BUT in the moments of quiet and truly listening to my inner me, I’m so much happier and free.
Alexis, your comment is so powerful—thank you for sharing this. The way you describe looking back at photos of your younger self and realizing how unnecessary all of this pressure was… that hits deep. It’s heartbreaking how easily we’re convinced that our bodies need to be “fixed” just to fit some arbitrary ideal. And the way that belief takes hold, dictating years of choices, pain, and sacrifice—it’s so real.
The fact that you’re now making space for movement that feels good, for food that nourishes without fear, for questioning those ingrained thoughts—that’s huge. And I love what you said about going off the mental data, about tuning into what actually feels right instead of just accepting the noise of diet culture as truth. It is a battle, because we’re constantly told that trusting ourselves is wrong. But the freedom you’re finding in those quiet moments? That’s everything.
Stripping it all down is scary, but you’re doing it. And not just for yourself, but for that future child, for the 12-year-old you, for anyone else caught in the same struggle. Sending you so much support as you keep moving toward the freedom you deserve.
I needed this so badly today. Last night I went down a self-inflicted rabbit hole of “I just want to be thin and pretty” and went into a funk. I managed to pull myself out pretty quickly, and I’m dedicated to surrounding myself with compassionate voices in this area. You’re always someone I trust to give perspective and cut through the noise of diet culture 🫶
Oh Jen, I’m so sorry that you had a hard night. Those are the worst. It’s funny, I’m watching a show right now as I type this that has me thinking about life (as I often do) and how short and precious it is. We really are here to do so much more than control our body. We’re here to live and love and feel all the things. You are magic and I’ve loved getting to know you ♥️ Never forget that your body isn’t your magic, it holds it. I’m grateful you’re here 🙏🏼
After a lifetime of restriction in various ways, I’ve been in the back and forth process of intentionally coming out of that for the last 3 years. My biggest struggle at this point is that I don’t want to restrict at all, but I do genuinely feel better (brain and body) when I avoid gluten and dairy. So I’m trying to figure out how to not be in the mindset and energy of restriction, while also trying to avoid the foods that don’t make me physically and mentally feel my best.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Angela. I hear you — it’s very hard to disentangle all of this after years of seeing foods as “good” and “bad”. Have you ever tried doing some blind taste tests? I know it sounds silly but it can help a lot to truly figure things out. Of course, only if you don’t have celiac disease. And if you haven’t been tested, that would be a great next step to give yourself some peace of mind 🙏🏼 At the end of the day, it all comes down to whether it feels like our food choices are coming from a place of kindness and respect and care and joy. So keep grounding yourself in that. I’m here for you, and I truly mean that. I know how hard all of this is and I think you’re incredible for doing this healing ♥️
Every single bullet. At 12 years old, I was a happy little man. I loved sports for the fun of it! I had tons of hobbies. Playing the drums. Watching airplanes. Then I was told I had to change my body to truly be an “elite” athlete and a cool guy. My body never actually demanded this change!! I never failed at my happy little youthful hobbies. I accomplished everything I wanted to do. My body was fine. ( I literally saw young photos of me recently and was appalled that my body was deemed not good by friends and coaches). But because I didn’t look a certain way, I was told I had to change my life. And I did for 20 years. I distorted my body. I ran myself into the ground. Double workouts. I ate no carbs. I went into massive depression and avoidance if I deviated off of this perfection…..literally hiding for two weeks at times, and lying to get out of team functions or school because I was ashamed I “cheated” but also I just wanted to escape it all. I associated pain and deprivation with health and a valid sacrifice for being perfect and living “clean”. I learned to “workout” in gyms/facilities where verbiage of “don’t stop until you drop” or “you shouldn’t be able to walk after this”. I learned a “workout” was only good enough if you were soaked. See how far you can push yourself. Focus on so many metrics.
I carry this trauma plus a completely distorted view of nutrition to this day. And as I begin at 31 to tear down years of self doubt and “what if” thinking, it’s a massive leap of faith. I constantly am told by my learned mindset and society that you’re being “soft” or lazy by not accepting your just bigger and you therefore need to battle your body.
I now move for flow, meditation and I eat for what feels good. I go off of mental cues combined with physical feelings. However, around every corner, I worry “but what if I get bigger”. What if this feels so right but we are wrong and the big machine is right? It’s a battle. But what I now say is “ go off the mental data- how do you feel when you do health your way - if it feels right, do it. We get one life. The mind is what is with us for the long run. Do whatever keeps that mind and emotional core happy. If there is resistance, something isn’t right there. Listen to your body. Listen to your emotions. It will all play out. Again, easier said than done. But I want to be able to practice what I believe I would preach to my child one day. At this moment, I’m stripping down everything I learned. It’s really scary BUT in the moments of quiet and truly listening to my inner me, I’m so much happier and free.
Alexis, your comment is so powerful—thank you for sharing this. The way you describe looking back at photos of your younger self and realizing how unnecessary all of this pressure was… that hits deep. It’s heartbreaking how easily we’re convinced that our bodies need to be “fixed” just to fit some arbitrary ideal. And the way that belief takes hold, dictating years of choices, pain, and sacrifice—it’s so real.
The fact that you’re now making space for movement that feels good, for food that nourishes without fear, for questioning those ingrained thoughts—that’s huge. And I love what you said about going off the mental data, about tuning into what actually feels right instead of just accepting the noise of diet culture as truth. It is a battle, because we’re constantly told that trusting ourselves is wrong. But the freedom you’re finding in those quiet moments? That’s everything.
Stripping it all down is scary, but you’re doing it. And not just for yourself, but for that future child, for the 12-year-old you, for anyone else caught in the same struggle. Sending you so much support as you keep moving toward the freedom you deserve.
Happy to be riding alone with you and your community!